Oops! I Married an Engineer

In Houston, I live in close proximity to NASA and the oil and gas industry. Almost everyone I know is either an engineer, married to one, or has a close family member working in one of these two powerhouse industries. Mr. Rochester is an Aerospace Engineer, literally a rocket scientist. This is both a blessing and a curse.

Engineers are wired differently than the rest of us lesser mortals. Over the years, and many conversations with others who live with an engineer, I have come to realize there are certain things almost all engineers do which drive the rest of the world crazy.

This is why I have decided I should start a support group called Oops! I Married an Engineer. You are eligible for this new group if you have ever caught your significant other exhibiting one of the following characteristics:

  • An explanation, story, or anecdote which would take a normal person 3 minutes to deliver, takes an engineer 30 minutes. This is because the explanation often involves background, charts, graphs, and visual aides. (see below)
  • While telling a story, the engineer produces within seconds color pie charts, line graphs, and to scale mock-ups of the situation using materials they find on hand, including but not limited to sugar packets, silverware, paperclips, rubber bands, and innocent bystanders.
  • When planning a party, the engineer is useless in terms of food preparation and decor, but they will draw you a to scale schematic of where the table, chairs, food, and people should go given your current space dimensions. (Mr. R actually did this for our rehearsal dinner)
  • When asked to communicate anything requiring more than a simple sentence, engineers write entire computer codes or formulas with which to properly convey their idea. (Mr. R has also done this for me)
  • When assembling anything, from dinner to a complicated cabinet from Ikea, they require detailed step by step instructions. Failing to produce a recipe for a meal, even if the meal if as simple as spaghetti, results in the engineer’s head exploding. If an engineer catches you pouring a dab of this or a pinch of that into a pot, they are immobilized by shock that a civilized person can actually cook in that fashion.
  • All the clocks in the engineer’s house are set to within seconds of official NIST time.
  • When told that their spouse wants to join the Oops! I Married an Engineer support group, their response is, “Why? Because it’s so hard to live with someone who is always right?”

Just nod, say, “Yes, of course,” and come have a chat with us. We understand here at Oops! I Married and Engineer that you have attached yourself to a person who is more comfortable with formulas than people and drives you crazy. Relax. Prop your feet up. I promise there will be no charts, graphs, or math during the meetings.